Day 14: My sister

I am sure there are many memories I could think of my sister both good and bad. Actually now if I had used the word Best friend I would consider her one of them. (Maybe on another post, I will put why I don't use the word anymore.)

As you could see from both of our posts, that we weren't necessarily always on the best speaking terms. I also know we probably both did things to alienate each other at the time.

I know there was a play I was in, and I invited my uncle and aunt to the dress rehearsal and not her. I wanted to impress them, but I should have not been doing that. (My whole life I have felt I have needed to impress my relatives so they would like me, and I am not sure where that came from.)

When we were little we would play random games. We played hide, seek, and scare... Or mainly she would find random places to hide in the house and scare the crap out of me.

I remember when we were little we were dressed alike, especially for events like easter, or where pictures were required. We didn't have much growing up, and most of the clothes we did have were hand me downs.

I know for the longest time I hated her. She was the only one I knew who had ever made me angry, or rather seen my full wrath. She seemed to know all the buttons to push to get me to drop the calm demeanor that I try to keep.

I threw a lollipop at her once when I was so pissed. It was actually a candy cane tootsie pop, and I think I threw the webtv keyboard at her once at well. She always seemed to find ways to make me end up cursing at her. Oh course most of the time she seemed to be a lot calmer, and she also would usually be laughing, which oh course made me more pissed.

At one point she started randomly calling me a wanker... I would get so mad at her. I was always raised that sex was a bad thing, and that it should not be in public. I still feel that way sometimes, and I didn't like the fact she was calling me a masterbater. (I never really talk about my sexuality... or lack there of, but at that time I was doing it occasionally when I was alone, and didn't want her to project to people... Since it always seemed to me girls weren't supposed to do that...) If you ask me I will deny I just published that paragraph later.

I use to think she was a drama queen. It seemed she was always sickly, and always got more attention than me. Or I always felt she did. I always felt she was closer to mom than me. And after dad died I felt like a long time like the odd person out. As, I always felt more comfortable with dad, than my mum.

I used to think she would do things to deliberately sabotage my friends. I remember in Arcadia bringing friends over and my friend seeming to want to do things with my sister more than me. Or that is what it seemed like at the time.

I am sure I could recount other things... but what I would like to recount, is the time period after I left from college... Yes, it is true when I first started visiting I would stay with my grandmother... Honestly part of that was because i didn't feel like the apartment was my home anymore, especially once John moved in... But I think after I left, and started to visit, and also after I moved back, I can remember actually hanging out with my sister.

We would have conversations, either silly, or serious. I felt I was actually understanding her more, and she was understanding me more. Yes, we still torment each other sometimes, but I think now we don't live in the same house, it is easier to appreciate her more.

I remember one time... I think it was on a visit after she and John moved on their own, that we went to Old town. I think John was in the car behind us. But it was a nice drive.

I remember other drives we used to take sometimes. She would be driving, and I would be in the passenger seat. We would just drive random places, like sometimes she took me to work, or I remember her picking me up from my mum's house, and I would go hang out in her trailer.

I love my sister now. I am sure she could still make me mad, but I doubt I would be screaming at her to go to hell like I use to constantly. (That wasn't very nice, not sure why I did that.)

Yes, I do occasionally call her names, like brat... but now they aren't hate filled as they used to be when I was little. Now they are more just jokingly.

It is easier now to see how utterly amazing she is, and to wish her happiness. I don't just see her as my tormentor anymore. I honestly wish the very best for her in life, as she deserves it. She is brilliant, artistic, a great listener, honest, exciting, and brings much joy to the world by her very presence.

This is a picture of us when we were younger. I am sure there are pictures of us now, but I don't know where they are... I am very hesitant about having my picture taking.