Day 8: Where I admit I had invisible playmates

So, my mind sort of works like the garden of the forking paths... not sure if anyone has ever read that story. Anyway, basically before I plan most things, I actually try to plan all the outcomes in my head.

Life is not even close to what I plan, since I tend to go more extreme with the possible outcomes. life is more middle of the road, especially when other people are concerned.

Actually honestly for most of my life, I would live inside my head. I use to pretend to be other people, and plot out things. Not so much anymore, because I usually just plot out fanfics, and don't necessarily have huge fantasies going in my head... Actually that isn't entirely true, but if I am going to act something out, like hold conversations, you probably never know because I look normal when I do it.

When I was little I use to actually hold conversations with other people when I was by myself in the room.

I remember how i got through most of 3rd grade was by pretending I was Belle from Beauty and the Beast. I know there have been other characters that I pretended I was throughout the year... Mainly most of my daydreams shift to I wish I was doing such and such, and not necessarily that I want to be someone else... Though occasionally it happens.

I remember once watching one of those random day time shows, not sure which one, it might have been Oprah, or rather a clip of Oprah that I was watching on the soup. Whoever it was had a transgendered person on the show. The host was asking the guest what it felt like to not feel like yourself in your body, because she had supposedly never felt that way... I was thinking bullshit.

Yes, I live mainly in daydreams sometimes, and I know I am not normal, but I am sure that everyone at one point or another even if just for a second could wish they were someone else.

Actually, I think if I didn't at one point wish I was someone else, I would haven't gotten through life.

My depression sometimes makes me see things a lot more negatively than they are. And living in fantasy worlds has helped me find things I love... like writing fanfics, and also briefly I did roleplaying. Mainly it was online stuff, but I did play Vampire the Masquerade briefly till I got banned.

(It was a small group, me, my sister and her friend... I usually drink tea, or lower caffeine sodas, and had a code red mountain dew, and was feeling especially hyper. I was doing things i thought my character would legitimately do, but they got made and said I was out of character.)

I don't remember all the names of my imaginary friends, I am not sure there were any I actually invented or if they were people from different fandoms... I know for almost a year, me and these two boys were school would play power rangers every day at recess, and they didn't seem to mind when I would switch from the green ranger, to the pink ranger, to the yellow ranger to the blue ranger depending on the day. I know one of them was always the black ranger, and the other the red, so they didn't necessarily care who I was. Sometimes one of us would be one of the villains.

That is mostly what I remember when I was little was pretending to be other people.

I applied to Drama in high school thinking for that reason I would be good at it. The truth is in public places I am painfully shy. It has gotten better over the years, but I have never been really good at learning how to project my voice well, despite taking drama, and chorus.

So, that is my memory today, that when I was younger I used to pretend to be other people. I don't think a lot of kids experience that much anymore, they have a lot of things feed to them. There is nothing wrong with an imagination, that is how we get all the cool things in the world like art, music, literature, movies, etc.