Day 12: My dad

I am going to start this off by saying sorry the pictures are so blurry... I took a picture with my camera of some old pictures, and I am a sucky photographer.

i started on this a day early because I have a feeling that it is going to be a longer post than a lot of the other ones so I want to get a bit of a draft down.

I was going to try to write memories of this person earlier. I was debating about doing it on the anniversary of their death, but also thought that it might be a little awkward. Since other memories have presented them before this day, I figure it is better than I just go ahead and post it on the anniversary

This is probably going to be a longer memory than the rest, there seems to be so much that I want to include. I am not even sure where to start. I could just make this disjointed and list things i remember, but I will try to start some order. I guess... At least I will give you a place to start from. I am going to start from the end, and then put memories in as best order as I can.

So... The start of the memory is September 12th, 2000. My dad had taken me to school. I didn't want to go, I had been tempted of pretending to be sick, but I had a test in Physics the next day and figured I should go to the review session. ( I never actually made it though, but I will explain that later)

I went to first period, which for the life of me I can't remember what it was. Second period I had writing with Miss Masch. She was a cool teacher, and we had a lot of interesting writing assignments. I am not sure the exact project we were working on, but I remember that Miss Masch was talking about how she had an edited copy of Titanic...which basically was all of the Billy Zane scenes (She had a huge crush on him, and probably still does)

So, fifteen minutes before the end of the period, the phone rang. After Miss masch hung up the phone, she told me I was needed in Mrs. Ferrante's office. I gathered my stuff. She signed my passbook so I could be in the hall between classes.

I had no idea what was going on because I am not the type of person who gets called into the dean's office. Actually I only barely knew who Mrs. Ferrante was. (I knew her husband though as I had taken several classes with him.)

When I got to Mrs. Ferrante's office, I found my grandmother sitting in the one of the chairs, and she was crying.

The first words she said was "Dad was dead." it hit me as a bit of a shock... I remember thinking she was talking about my grandfather for a minute. I don't think I was crying yet, I was trying to process it.

She seemed to sense I didn't understand completely what was going on, so she said "Mandy your dad died."

My grandmother explained how he had gone home after dropping me off, and had dropped dead in the bathroom. I know Mrs. Ferrante probably said something to me, but I had started sobbing at the time, and I don't remember what it was.

When we got to the apartment complex, my mum and my sister were standing outside. They were waiting for the ambulance to take my dad out of the building.

The stairway was pretty narrow, and my dad was not a light man, so they struggled with it. My mum reminded me in church today when she was reading over the start of this, that for a brief second admist the grief we had found ourselves laughing as they struggled with the gurney. I think if he wasn't in the bodybag, it might not have been funny. It was so easy, to not think that it was my father they were taking away.

I remember bits and pieces of the day that followed, but for a long time after that everything seemed a blur. I know the next day I went to school so I could take the Physics test. My teacher was actually surprised to see me, and said I could wait if I wanted to... I didn't want to have to worry about it later on top of everything else.

I don't even remember the grade I got on it. I remember taking it like an angry robot.

I regret a little the decision of going back to school the next day, and later when the day after my grandfather died I went back to work (several years later) . I thought it made me seem callous... But I needed to go back to normal, I think part of it was to pretend that the whole thing was not true, or not to appear weak... I am not sure the exact reason I felt the need to continue as normal after the two deaths... I was hurt though, and upset. I really do miss both my dad and my grandfather sometimes.

I don't want to dwell on the time after his death though. I just want to dwell on the memories I have of him... First I am going to tie the post in with another post... remember I am the master of story thievery... or something

Here are three memories of my dad's he and other people told me more than once that I liked to repeat to people.

-My dad was in the Navy when he was younger. He was on two ships, the enterprise, and the saratoga. On one of the them.. I think when it was the enterprise... they were in Austraila for a bit. There was 4000 members on the ship, for morning roll call only 1/3 of them showed up. At the time the population of women to men was 10 to 1 so all the sailors decided to bail. Actually my dad was on his way to pick up civilians clothes when he was brought back to the ship.

-The other one... Let me preface this by saying that my family like to joke around. One of my uncles favorite hobbies is to insult my grandmother. My uncle and my dad were standing at one end of the kitchen... their kitchen was kind of narrow, and the middle was a large table.. so, they were standing at one end of the table and my grandmother was at the other... from what it seems they both were making wisecracks to my grandmother.

She told them if either one of them said one more thing she was going to throw a knife at them. By her was a dishcloth and a butcher's knife.

One of them made another comment, and then they almost hit the ceiling as something flew towards them.

My grandmother had picked up the dishcloth and threw it at them.

-My dad was against unions. We don't really have them here in Florida, which actually probably has advantages and disadvantages. After going to the Navy he decided to go to Vegas and get a job there.

He hitchhiked across country, only to find out the day before he got there that the job he was going to get was unionized. So, he hitchhiked back home.

I remember a lot of other things about my dad. He was a bit of a dreamer. He always had big plans to better himself. I think he wanted the best for us kids, though you have read from my sister how he mentioned her dream of being a parapsychologist would not make her much money. He had dropped out of high school to join the Navy when he was 17, and I think he wanted better for us.

He didn't want us to have to struggle paycheck to paycheck like he and mum constantly had to do. Though, I know part of it was that he was so quick to quit a job. Like I said he was a dreamer, and he always longed for big things. I remember him when he could attending those seminars about big riches, or investing in programs like that.

He liked to try new things and held many different jobs through out his life. He was a dishwasher, mystery shopper, he was a supply pastor, he delivered pizzas, he drove cabs, he used to work at the post office, he took pictures of foreclosed property, he tried to sell things on ebay and some other things which I can't think of.

While he didn't graduate he did get his GED in the Navy. He also went to Baptist college later in life he went only a year and didn't finish. He also went to school to become a radio announcer but didn't finish.

When he was little he had moved a lot when he was a kid. (Some of the stories sound like almost every month when the rent was due but I may be mixing up my dad's childhood with my maternal grandmother's as she moved a lot) Because of this he always longed for new places, and I think I mentioned before that in my life i have moved more times than my age... or maybe at this point they are about even. It is hard to tell as I feel far older than I am.

I know I get stir crazy sometimes staying in the same place too long, and wish I could move or change jobs... but I can't. I also have a sense of wanting to find a place of my own, and knowing to get that I have to work at building it.

I remember once he got this serious of memory tapes... hmm wonder if we still had them. I remember him listening to them to try to improve his memory. I don't remember much about the tapes, but I remember one of the suggestion was for a list of words to memorize try to make a story about it, and one of the lists had something about a donkey and a wheel-barrel.

He was friendly to every one he met. It seemed he had all kind of courage talking to people randomly about anything. He would remember things about people's lives and ask them stuff. Sometimes if we went to visit a friend or we were out and about and he ran into someone he knew, while he said we would be leaving in ten minutes, I would know it meant longer than that, since they would still be talking an hour later.

When he was little it seemed everything was different. He and his friends would steal hubcaps when they were older, but they never really got in trouble. As I said he had many jobs, and most of them he just walked in and applied and was giving the job. (I wish you could do that now)

He both liked new things, but seemed to also crave things from his past. He would constantly watch older tv shows, and listen to oldies music (which is how I came to appreciate a lot of older things, and actually one of my first fanfics was about Adam-12...which we will maybe discuss later in another post)

He and my mum were married twenty years. Before his death in May on around their anniversary, my mum had vacation time, and for some reason instead of wanting to go, me and my sister sent them off by themselves. They went to Miami for a few days... I am not sure what we did. I am not sure if it was general not wanting to be stuck with the rents, or if we sensed something... I don't remember sensing that it was the last vacation they would have together.

I don't remember many fights. I never remember him hitting mum. I know they did argue a lot about money, and I think I am realizing more and more that they probably did have disagreements, but they tried to not let us see them. That didn't always work though.

When we were little I remember at one point that after awhile he didn't have to spank us when we were bad, he just had to go for his belt.

I mainly have good memories of my dad. I do realize now that maybe not everything he did was the best. He was quick sometimes to discourage us from stuff for whatever reason, like I remember being told I was forbidden to ride motorcycles because he and his friends use to do it when they were younger, and he knew how dangerous it could be.

I think he and my mum tried their best to raise us, but they each had their own issues to deal with . i think when we are little it is easier to think our parents are superheroes, but as you get older, you realize that they are more and more human. It is also easier and easier to see their flaws, and not generally be happy about them. You can see exactly why their experiences shaped you in the way they you are in part, because they tried to correct what they thought was their parents mistakes.

I love both my parents. I miss my dad terribly sometimes... though honestly, especially now living with my mum where it is just me and her... I wonder sometimes if I would be friends with her in real life. I love her because she is my mum, but she can get on my nerves.

I also see where my dad was not right in everything he did. While he told more than once that we could be whatever we wanted, I also remember trying to discourage us from things that may have seem flighty. But maybe if he had been more encouraging we would have been able to succeed.

I thought when I was little that I was my dad's favorite. I remember reading a post my sister made after my dad's death where she said she thought the same thing. Maybe he didn't have a favorite but tried to spend as much time with us as he could. it is hard to tell, and obviously I can't ask him.

Sometimes it feels like he just died yesterday, and sometimes it really feels that at this point he hasn't been involved in the last 1/3 of my life which is sad.

I am not sure where i was going with this... It started getting rambling... There are so many memories and emotions tied with him, I guess it is hard not to get rambling...

Anyway, I am going to end this with a picture of me, my sister and my dad from a long time ago