It seemed before whenever I used that word with someone that something would happen. So, at some point in high school I stopped using that word, though since then a couple people had said I was their best friend, don't it didn't seem to last long... Yes, I am a good listener, and I try to give good advice, but if you aren't even going to bother to listen to me when something is going on, then I am not going to call you my best friend... Maybe close friend, or even then it depends... Sometimes just because you tell me a lot doesn't mean I trust you with a lot of things.
I think I am more of a loner than I want to admit sometimes.
When I was in elementary school, I had someone I called a best friend. Her name was Nicole. She was nice to my face, and then she started spreading vicious rumors about me when I wasn't... or actually when other people came up to her.
She was quite possible... I remember we were having an autumn fest one year, and she had said we would do all these things together, and when I found her at the autumn fest she basically blew me off and told me she didn't like me. There were a couple other girls around, and they weren't very nice.
In middle school and going into High school, I thought I had a best friend... suddenly over the summer she started hanging out more and more with another friend... which I was friends with all of them, but instead of having two good friends, it seemed that I was the odd person out when I would hang out with them, since there was so much stuff they did after school that I wasn't able to help with.
I am actually still friends with both of them. They aren't so buddy-buddy anymore, they had a bit of a falling out, and I don't think they realized how hurt I felt after I thought they were my best friends, and then I didn't seem to be.
I think part of my problem with using the word, is my depression sometimes makes it hard to judge relationships. Also, I have started to wonder if that word is used too much. I am a very friendly person, but that doesn't mean I am going to trust many people with a lot of things.
I am both a social being, but also a loner. A lot of things go through my head all the time, and some of them it is just hard to open up about. There are also topics I won't normally touch, like I am not very comfortable talking about my sexual life..(or lack there of).
Also, I know a lot of times my mind doesn't want to deal with things, so I obsess on things people may not agree with. Like I never usually find someone who loves a particular fandom as much as I do, or sadly I find a fandom far after most of the people have left it.
But I think if I were to use the term best friend, my sister would be one, and also my friend Roxy. No matter the distant I feel I could talk to them about anything. Yes, sometimes I still feel I have to censor myself around them on certain things, but I censor myself alot less than I do other people... Yes, I get in disagreements with both, but they both seem like family... Yes, my sister is family, but I think if I had a chance to pick my family she would still be there. If I could have i would have tried to spend as much time with her before she moved away... i have to try to do that now with Roxy before she leaves on the 17th.
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