I remember being sick a lot when I was young… it was all so very frustrating.
I know I went to far too many doctors, and was taking far too many medications, and never found the real root of my problems.
I remember having chronic sore throats. Apparently one of my first illnesses as an infant was bronchitis, and it cropped up at least twice a year for many years of my life…
I also had chest pains when I was growing up, and went through so many test to figure it out.
My parents didn’t believe I was ill most of the time. They had heard it so often they just would sooner turn the other way than listen to my complaints. I hated it, because all I wanted was to feel okay, not have pains nearly all of the time.
I remember once that my parents insisted it was all in my head, but begrudging took me to the doctor regardless (probably to get an excuse for my absences, which were numerous). I found out that the sore throat I was having, which was pretty common type for me, was actually Strep throat. I’d ever forget, because I was so pleased to be able to throw it into my parents face that it was NOT all in my head.
Later, in High School, I was still having throat issues and ended up at a Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor who up said I needed my tonsils out, that from the looks of it I’d had tonsillitis several times before (I think there was scarring or something).
At least the throat thing could be remedied in some regards, or at least identified as real, unlike my chest pains.
My chest pains started early in life, the latest possible start to it being 4th grade, but it could have been as early as 2nd.
I recall the doctor we saw in Haines City for it (I’m pretty sure it was Haines City). I can remember his office was in the shopping plaza and had the tall windows in the front. They had a Dalmatian poster on the wall (I think it’s the one with the cat having all the puppies, or whatever the damned thing is… but it’s a popular one).
The doctor there tried to tell me I had asthma and that I needed to get rid of my cats.
Fucker.
I’ve NEVER in my life had an asthmatic attack, ever. I did, however, end up with an inhalator for awhile and was told to use it when I had the chest pains. Naturally, this did nothing to help my pains, just totally freaked me out. (I cannot even begin to express the nature of an inhalator and it’s chemical nastiness… argh… It’s been well over a decade, but I can still remember it. I cringe).
I ended up being tossed from doctor to doctor, some with ideas of what was wrong, some with crackpot theories. I remember one doctor insisted it was ‘growing pains’. What the hell are growing pains? Why would I have severe chest pain just because I was growing, and for years on end? Does this make any sense at all? I doesn’t to me, because there was no way I would except these pangs as something normal and natural. The hell.
I ended up at All Children’s in St. Pete for some overnight things, x-rays, some tube down my throat (camera?), and an internal sample taken… It was either that doctor, or another, that ended up saying I had a hiatal hernia and that the chest pains I was feeling was actually heart burn.
I know what heart burn feels like, and I very RARELY get it (though for some reason drinking more then two colas from aluminium cans WILL give me heart burn)… Damn, I think I only ever got it once while pregnant with either of my girls. I just don’t have that issue, and it was most certainly NOT what the chest pains were.
I think the closest I got to a resolution for the chest pains was just as I was turning 18 or so. I was finally diagnoses with Depression and Anxiety issues (and I am pretty sure that one asshat I saw said I was Bipolar, but he also said my root issue was my weight and I needed to eat less… so anything that judgemental prick said is ignored, pretty much… Most people who know me can tell you that I don’t actually overeat)… and I was finally taken to a Cardiologist who monitored me for a day or so with a box that they hooked up and I had to carry like a shoulder bag. He ended up telling me I had an abnormally fast heart rate (which didn’t help my panic attacks of those days ONE bit) and put me on medication that slowed me down (so much so that I felt delayed mentally and stopped taking it).
I still have issues with chest pain, but I think most of it is anxiety attacks, which I don’t have so much anymore (maybe once or twice a year, instead of on a daily basis)… But I really don’t know why I would have had them in 4th grade, when I was only 10 or so.
I missed out on a lot because I was never feeling proper. I ended up testing to be in Gifted in both Haines City and Melbourne, but rejected because of my attendance records.
Ultimately it’s why I never finished school.
I wonder, now, how much of my issue was Depression… and I’m bothered by this. I know that my mum and dad would have only seen that as being in my head, and not notice the seriousness of it.
In fact, I recall the first time I took the test for Depression (at Dr. Aurand’s (spelling) who is the same doctor who tried to tell me I was ADHD, then when he changed the diagnosis to Depression said it was because they had similar symptoms), that my mother stood over my shoulder and tried to correct me at some point by saying: “You don’t feel like that.”
The fuck, how would she know what I felt?
I think, sadly, that a lot of this could have been managed with the right medication… that is, if they could ever find something that worked for me.
Medications and I do not mix well. For everything I was ever put on either I would feel no change or I would have nasty side effects (save for maybe antibiotics).
As it is pain killers don’t work on me (especially over-the-counter ones), and analgesics to put me under only work, if at all, for a short period of time… I think, honestly, I build a tolerance to these types of things.
Ah, but I will not get into how Medicine has failed me, I’ve covered enough tonight.
I am sorry they never found out what is wrong with you, but I am glad that you don't have chest pains anymore... or much I should say ::hugs::
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